Today marks 50 days sober…
We went to church for the first time in years this morning. Danny and I both honestly didn’t want to go. Anytime we’ve gone to church in the past it’s a super emotional experience and filled with anxiety. So we’ve avoided it.
Today was different…We did actually try to get out of it but we had already mentioned it to Harrison and he begged to go to church, even though he doesn’t really understand what it truly means just yet. He knew it meant meeting new friends and he’s always up for that. So how could we deny him of new friends?!?
So we went…walked in and immediately felt at peace with the decision, as a ton of smiling faces said, “good morning” as we walked through the halls.
We talked to the two people we did know, grabbed coffee and sat almost to the back of the small room. The worship music was great and the message even better.
Pastor Eric talked about BAGGAGE, and how we need to let it go. Um, yes please.
He even talked about the baggage of being addicted to something, alcohol being his main example. Needless to say it hit home.
Today marks 50 days and as excited as I am about that milestone, I still struggle. Not with wanting to drink but with the emotional and mental healing I’m having to do. I’ve been going through episodes of anger and rage lately. Like the feelings just completely take over.
They say it’s totally normal as you are finding YOUR normal but I still don’t like it.
So when the pastor told us today that we can go to God just as we are..angry and all, I truly needed to hear that.
I’m far from perfect and I know I have a long road of recovery ahead of me, but today was one step of many in the journey.
The episodes of anger, sadness, frustration and anxiety are just my brain being flushed out, detoxed and reprogrammed. I know this, and because I know this, I’m giving myself grace and asking Danny to do the same.
Tomorrow is another day with more beautiful challenges that will only make me stronger.